Today is day #2. Quick update on following the protocol: following the food part of the AIP is proving much easier than I thought it would be. I was worried that I would get tempted, and trust me chocolate chip cookies are for sure calling my name especially during today's blood sugar crash. I had my fat tea for breakfast, a huge salad and bone broth for lunch, a kombucha for a snack, and fish, acorn squash and some sautéed veggies for dinner. Pretty much my usually daily meals. I think it has been easier because I have already cut out so many of the foods that are not compliant. I am ordering some extra fun things from amazon (sweet potato chips and duck fat!!) that will help get me through this intro phase but I am feeling confident about it all. The lifestyle component will for sure be the most difficult for me. I am struggling already with taking time for myself. I know this will take time and I am going to be very easy on myself as I get deeper into this change.
This seasons allergies have been unbelievable. I haven't had this kind of an attack in a long time. Bright side: it gives me an excellent excuse to sleep more.
I want to write for a few minutes about why I am going through all of this and trying so hard to make these changes. I really feel like this is my last chance at feeling better. I am a mom of 2 young children and a daughter of a mom who was sick for the greater majority of my life (18 of my 29 years of being alive). I had such a huge amount of resentment for my mother being sick. At 11 years old my role of young kid turned quickly to second mom to my baby sisters and caretaker to my mom and her completely useless husband. My basic needs were no longer my concern. I spent my free time cleaning and caring for my sisters. There education and hunger took priority to my freedom. I love my sisters more than anything and I appreciate that my mom lived through that hell. But I cannot help but feel scared that my children would ever hold onto anger towards me for being sick.
I chose to get my master's degree in psychology because I always held onto the anger that no one reached out to help me when I was a young kid dealing with so many hard things. I hated going to school because the problems my friends were complaining about were so trivial compared to the things I was dealing with at home. Their problems consisted of things like "my mom bought the wrong frozen pizza's" and they could never understand me, when my problems were things like "I haven't seen my mom in a week because she is dying slowly in her bedroom." It surely was hard to fit in. I thought that I would be a hero, I would go and save all the kids who's moms were sick and had lost a childhood. I thought I would rescue the world. It doesn't take long to realize how empathy and personal sorrow can get in the way of saving the world. My psychology degree gave me an invaluable set of lessons and taught me how to research, how to learn, how to listen, and ask the right questions. I have an degree in experimental psychology with an emphasis in early childhood development. Again, I thought I was going to save the world. Early in my studies while getting my bachelors degree I started doing independent research. This was to help me get into a graduate program. I started looking into health and why people who know what they can do to make themselves healthy continue to weaken their own bodies. I continued to study this for another 6 years until I eventually wrote my thesis on the topic. I never understood why I cared so much about the subject until I got sick myself. I now look back on my life and my education and I realize, even though, I thought that my goal was to save the kids, God's plan for me was to save the moms. Why I didn't realize sooner, that this whole time I thought I was learning and studying to help kids, I was actually providing myself with the best foundation for changing the mothers health to let her save her own kids childhood.
It took me laying in bed and saying those same things I remember my mother saying to me to realize what I needed to do. I need to be the very best version of myself, the healthiest me, to be here for my kids, to give them the "slow as honey childhood" and so that I can save other moms from raising children with my fate.
I have tried every avenue and I refuse to let the drug companies tell me how to live my life. I know the AIP will save me and my kids and this is my journey and I am taking the reins.
This is my last best push for my girls. I refuse to spend even one more day in bed telling my perfect children that "mommy is too tired to play today".
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