As I get ready to end the night, before I go get my organs scraped, I am reflecting back on my health journey. Years before I had my children I was diagnosed with endometriosis and at the time I trusted everything my doctors said so I went on hormones to control it. After my children were here I was healed!! No more pain, no more worries. Until it came back. With a vengeance. Now it is everywhere.
I have done everything I can to be productive to heal my own with food, supplements, rest, sleep and stress management, chiropractic care, acupuncture, and myofascial release massage. It has gotten to a point now that I had to concede and have the tissues removed. In no way do I see this as a failure of my attempts, but an incredible option that I have access to.
After spending the last year desperately attempting to heal my microbiome and reduce the leaky gut and reseal, I was nothing short of terrified of what opening my body up and introducing antibiotics to it will do. But I am resolved in knowing that this is another step in my healing journey. That it is okay for me to not be in pain anymore and it is okay for me to move on with my life. I hate to think of how this particular pain has affected my life and I am so ready, now only 12 hours away, to begin another stage of recovery on my long path back to health, healing, and wellness.
Post surgery I intend to continue my regular eating, sleeping and various additional therapies to keep the tissues from reforming and reattaching. As well as keeping my gut sealed! I know I can prevent it if I am able to start with a clean slate. I have so many people loving and looking after me that I know I will heal quickly and with ease.
Endometriosis plagues so many women and in so many different ways. For me it affects my colon, bladder, uterus and surrounding areas. When it first started I only experienced pain 2-4 days per month. I now have about 2-4 days a month that are pain free. Each system in my body is affected at different times but I never seem to get a solid break from it all. If you or someone you know is dealing with this please feel free to reach out to me as I would love to hear your story and offer any guidance I can, and/ or hear any guidance from you. I wish only for more awareness and more days of pain free, than pain filled. Cheers to all you women that have it worse than I and know I am fighting right there with you and for you.
I know this is not a quick fix and I will not recover 100%, but I know it will bring relief and I will fight every day to treat this naturally without hormones or by having any of my organs removed.
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Thursday, June 23, 2016
One year anniversary from diagnosis date
June 3, 2015
I was sitting in my doctor's office waiting for results back from my celiacs panel. I remember that morning telling my husband how I wasn't nervous to get the results because celiacs disease was a joke and gluten intolerance was made up by the same people who said MSG was bad. It was a trendy fad and it would be forgotten about it 10 years. Up to this point I had recieved my hashimoto's diagnosis and was dealing with several other health problems, including a lump in my neck that had gone undiagnosed because even after an MRI and ultrasound the doctors could not figure out what it was. This doctors appointment I felt no fear of results and thought it was a waste of my afternoon and a babysitter. I had no idea how the words "you have celiacs disease" would have affected me and my family at that point.
My doctor walked in the office, sat in a chair next to me, and as nonchalantly as you could ask "how's the weather?", said to me: "today you are here to get your results, let's see, oh yea, you have celiacs disease." "your numbers are extremely elevated but don't worry you just need to stop eating gluten and you'll be fine". I kid you not. That was the whole conversation. Nothing about why this happened or how to get better or which of my 500 ailments the disease was causing...simply, stop eating gluten. I remember feeling like I had the wind knocked out of me. I couldn't quite catch my breathe for the rest of the day. I called some friends who have celiacs and asked for some advice, that was too overwhelming. I told my family, but we didn't really have a clear understanding of what it all was. Then the scientist in me took over and I dived head first into the research. My first few weeks without gluten were filled with gluten replacements and more crap as well as a huge die off of symptoms which had me practically bedridden. Over the year that followed I slowly cut dairy (after learning about casein), grains in general (going paleo), and finally for the biggest change and improvement I went full autoimmune protocol or AIP.
The ups and downs from this journey have been like a crazy roller coaster. I am stronger now that I have ever been. I lost about 40 pounds, started gaining some energy back and learned that I was truly the one in control of my circumstances. I am still not in the place I want to be. I have a tattoo picked out for the day I am back to 100%. I thought today would be the day but it is not. I am celebrating in other ways. I am still gaining new momentum everyday and still learning how to heal everyday. This journey has a higher purpose and I am trusting in this path.
If this blog post sounds a little too familiar to you, make sure to find someone who can support you through this process. If you are scared looking at day one, know that it will not kill you and all the trouble will be worth it. We have a choice every single day to take one step forward or one step back. Today is proof that I have survived 365 days of making the choice to heal. It will continue to take time as it took 29 years to break down this body but I will keep doing what I can to build it back up! Cheers to one year and cheers to the next 29 healthy happy years!
I was sitting in my doctor's office waiting for results back from my celiacs panel. I remember that morning telling my husband how I wasn't nervous to get the results because celiacs disease was a joke and gluten intolerance was made up by the same people who said MSG was bad. It was a trendy fad and it would be forgotten about it 10 years. Up to this point I had recieved my hashimoto's diagnosis and was dealing with several other health problems, including a lump in my neck that had gone undiagnosed because even after an MRI and ultrasound the doctors could not figure out what it was. This doctors appointment I felt no fear of results and thought it was a waste of my afternoon and a babysitter. I had no idea how the words "you have celiacs disease" would have affected me and my family at that point.
My doctor walked in the office, sat in a chair next to me, and as nonchalantly as you could ask "how's the weather?", said to me: "today you are here to get your results, let's see, oh yea, you have celiacs disease." "your numbers are extremely elevated but don't worry you just need to stop eating gluten and you'll be fine". I kid you not. That was the whole conversation. Nothing about why this happened or how to get better or which of my 500 ailments the disease was causing...simply, stop eating gluten. I remember feeling like I had the wind knocked out of me. I couldn't quite catch my breathe for the rest of the day. I called some friends who have celiacs and asked for some advice, that was too overwhelming. I told my family, but we didn't really have a clear understanding of what it all was. Then the scientist in me took over and I dived head first into the research. My first few weeks without gluten were filled with gluten replacements and more crap as well as a huge die off of symptoms which had me practically bedridden. Over the year that followed I slowly cut dairy (after learning about casein), grains in general (going paleo), and finally for the biggest change and improvement I went full autoimmune protocol or AIP.
The ups and downs from this journey have been like a crazy roller coaster. I am stronger now that I have ever been. I lost about 40 pounds, started gaining some energy back and learned that I was truly the one in control of my circumstances. I am still not in the place I want to be. I have a tattoo picked out for the day I am back to 100%. I thought today would be the day but it is not. I am celebrating in other ways. I am still gaining new momentum everyday and still learning how to heal everyday. This journey has a higher purpose and I am trusting in this path.
If this blog post sounds a little too familiar to you, make sure to find someone who can support you through this process. If you are scared looking at day one, know that it will not kill you and all the trouble will be worth it. We have a choice every single day to take one step forward or one step back. Today is proof that I have survived 365 days of making the choice to heal. It will continue to take time as it took 29 years to break down this body but I will keep doing what I can to build it back up! Cheers to one year and cheers to the next 29 healthy happy years!
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Adventures on AIP (9 weeks) and 1 year gluten free!!
Today marks 9 weeks of strict AIP!
When I first heard about the autoimmune protocol I was sitting in a nutritionist's office and I was literally bouncing at 4pm. This was pretty typical for my body. I would either be so tired and sluggish that I was asleep (or close to it) or I was jittery, anxious and talking about one mile a minute. My adrenal glands had stopped doing what they were supposed to. Whether that was from an HPA-axis misfire or if my body stopped remembering how to take cortisol where it needed to go who knew.
Sitting in her office, I recall telling her my symptoms from bad headaches and exhaustion but not being able to sleep ("wired but tired") to bladder pain that could not be controlled with any pain medication. She asked about how long these things had been going on and I laughed. She told me to be patient. I needed to be strict gluten and dairy free for at least one year to heal and then highly recommended Eileen Laird and her book and podcast. I am by nature a questioner and by career a researcher. So naturally I took the next 2 months to listen to every episode of the podcast "Phoenix Helix" and read the book on AIP as well as collect as many cookbooks as I could. After being 100% strict paleo for a few months and giving up nuts for a candida issue going AIP was only one more jump: no nightshades and no chocolate. The nightshades took themselves out after I had an anaphylactic reaction to tomatoes in an in-and-out drive through ("you know what you did tomatoes!!"). I took the leap on April 25th, 2016 and on April 27th I won a place in Angie Alt's SAD to AIP in 6 group. God was telling me I was on the right path to healing. Along with winning that spot I won 4 cookbooks that I already had saved in my amazon wishlist. GO ME!
Reflecting back on this whole process. I wish I would have started sooner!! Of course everyone says that and I am sure that I wasn't ready until I actually took the plunge. The food and preparing food has come very easy to me, especially with the help of "The Healing Kitchen" cookbook (this one is by far my favorite and my go to for meal prep). I finally, after about 7 weeks, got the hang of meal planning, batch cooking, and where to buy all of my groceries for the week. I hate not having anything that is convenient but I am learning to prep when I feel awesome so there is always something in the fridge for me to grab. I miss treats but I know someday I will eat the best chocolate chip cookies ever and it will have been so worth the wait!!
Update on healing: When I first started on AIP I was immediately hit with a very bad bladder infection it seemed completely defeating. How could this happen if I was doing everything right?? But after research and serious reflection I decided that my body need to detox and was going to do so by clearing each organ and my bladder just got hit first! Since that point I have gone in reverse order healing. This concept is taken from "Herring's law of the cure" If you are ill and you haven't read about this yet, start googling!! For the past 9 weeks I have felt almost all the old symptoms I had since I can remember being ill back in my single digit days! It has been hard and some days down right miserable. But I stayed on track with my food, made sleep a priority, got regular chiropractic adjustments, started using acupuncture for pain relief and upped the amount of nutrient density in my foods. I have more energy now than I have in 10+ years, I have regular periods, I sleep every night without sleep aids, I wake up almost every morning ready to face the day. Instead of sleeping 3 hours in the middle of every day I use the time to read, catch up on TV shows, batch cook, clean my house etc. I actually called my husband one day during my kids napped time and yelled on the phone "are you freaking kidding me, people have time in the middle of the day that they don't have to sleep, do you know how much I got done today!!!" I felt robbed of my time. Time that I have spent sleeping and trying to cope with life that I now get to enjoy!!
I still have bad days, but now I have one bad day a week instead of one good one. I have more hours every day spent feeling good than bad. I finally get to take my kids to the park and play with them! I have gotten something in my life back that I didn't think I ever would. I do not think AIP was the only missing link to my healing and I certainly have a long way to go.
Thank you for going on this journey with me. I am looking forward to continuing these posts about my journey and AIP. I don't think I am ready to start re-intros yet but I am getting closer and boy do I miss eggs, chocolate and nut flour cookies!!
When I first heard about the autoimmune protocol I was sitting in a nutritionist's office and I was literally bouncing at 4pm. This was pretty typical for my body. I would either be so tired and sluggish that I was asleep (or close to it) or I was jittery, anxious and talking about one mile a minute. My adrenal glands had stopped doing what they were supposed to. Whether that was from an HPA-axis misfire or if my body stopped remembering how to take cortisol where it needed to go who knew.
Sitting in her office, I recall telling her my symptoms from bad headaches and exhaustion but not being able to sleep ("wired but tired") to bladder pain that could not be controlled with any pain medication. She asked about how long these things had been going on and I laughed. She told me to be patient. I needed to be strict gluten and dairy free for at least one year to heal and then highly recommended Eileen Laird and her book and podcast. I am by nature a questioner and by career a researcher. So naturally I took the next 2 months to listen to every episode of the podcast "Phoenix Helix" and read the book on AIP as well as collect as many cookbooks as I could. After being 100% strict paleo for a few months and giving up nuts for a candida issue going AIP was only one more jump: no nightshades and no chocolate. The nightshades took themselves out after I had an anaphylactic reaction to tomatoes in an in-and-out drive through ("you know what you did tomatoes!!"). I took the leap on April 25th, 2016 and on April 27th I won a place in Angie Alt's SAD to AIP in 6 group. God was telling me I was on the right path to healing. Along with winning that spot I won 4 cookbooks that I already had saved in my amazon wishlist. GO ME!
Reflecting back on this whole process. I wish I would have started sooner!! Of course everyone says that and I am sure that I wasn't ready until I actually took the plunge. The food and preparing food has come very easy to me, especially with the help of "The Healing Kitchen" cookbook (this one is by far my favorite and my go to for meal prep). I finally, after about 7 weeks, got the hang of meal planning, batch cooking, and where to buy all of my groceries for the week. I hate not having anything that is convenient but I am learning to prep when I feel awesome so there is always something in the fridge for me to grab. I miss treats but I know someday I will eat the best chocolate chip cookies ever and it will have been so worth the wait!!
Update on healing: When I first started on AIP I was immediately hit with a very bad bladder infection it seemed completely defeating. How could this happen if I was doing everything right?? But after research and serious reflection I decided that my body need to detox and was going to do so by clearing each organ and my bladder just got hit first! Since that point I have gone in reverse order healing. This concept is taken from "Herring's law of the cure" If you are ill and you haven't read about this yet, start googling!! For the past 9 weeks I have felt almost all the old symptoms I had since I can remember being ill back in my single digit days! It has been hard and some days down right miserable. But I stayed on track with my food, made sleep a priority, got regular chiropractic adjustments, started using acupuncture for pain relief and upped the amount of nutrient density in my foods. I have more energy now than I have in 10+ years, I have regular periods, I sleep every night without sleep aids, I wake up almost every morning ready to face the day. Instead of sleeping 3 hours in the middle of every day I use the time to read, catch up on TV shows, batch cook, clean my house etc. I actually called my husband one day during my kids napped time and yelled on the phone "are you freaking kidding me, people have time in the middle of the day that they don't have to sleep, do you know how much I got done today!!!" I felt robbed of my time. Time that I have spent sleeping and trying to cope with life that I now get to enjoy!!
I still have bad days, but now I have one bad day a week instead of one good one. I have more hours every day spent feeling good than bad. I finally get to take my kids to the park and play with them! I have gotten something in my life back that I didn't think I ever would. I do not think AIP was the only missing link to my healing and I certainly have a long way to go.
Thank you for going on this journey with me. I am looking forward to continuing these posts about my journey and AIP. I don't think I am ready to start re-intros yet but I am getting closer and boy do I miss eggs, chocolate and nut flour cookies!!
Friday, April 29, 2016
Day #5 sugar cravings like whoa
Today was a weird day for food. Hubby left on his annual fishing trip waking me up at 4am getting ready to leave. As you know, those of us suffering from autoimmune diseases, you don't mess with my sleep!! I tried to get back to sleep but that is harder than going to bed in the first place. Makes it hard to be loving and express longing when your dragon monster not asleeping face is out and your trying to say good bye....yea well good bye already!
Starting off weird the ball kept rolling that way. I didn't eat breakfast till 11:30am and then I missed lunch because, well, breakfast was at 11:30am. Breakfast was leftover biscuits and bacon from day #4 and a glass of homemade kombucha (that was getting crazy expensive to buy every week!) and snacks were sea snax and a handful of dried apples. Dinner was awesome, my go-to burgers with mushrooms and avocado. But that wasn't cutting the sweet tooth so I made some sweet bananas from the healing kitchen cook book and it totally curbed the craving. Now just to figure out how to sleep after that sugar high!
I want to ramble for a minute about the importance of a good support system. I mentioned before that bubby tries but he doesn't understand he has the belly of an Ox! Being sick for this long really shows you who your real friends are. Those who aren't 100% in will show their true colors when they just stop coming around, or make sly jokes about your situation, or don't understand how grave the situation can be. And I used the word grave on purpose. Having to rely on other people for help and support for the first time in my life has been so humbling and it is clear to see who the people are who want to raise you up and keep you feeling strong and on the right path, and those who push against your will power. I am beyond blessed to say I have a truly amazing circle of people who love me and want to see this AIP journey help me and want to see me healthy again. Days like today, where I could have easily thrown it all away for a chocolate chip cookieC it's nice to know I have an amazing bunch of women (and hubby) to lean on. Going to bed happy!!
Starting off weird the ball kept rolling that way. I didn't eat breakfast till 11:30am and then I missed lunch because, well, breakfast was at 11:30am. Breakfast was leftover biscuits and bacon from day #4 and a glass of homemade kombucha (that was getting crazy expensive to buy every week!) and snacks were sea snax and a handful of dried apples. Dinner was awesome, my go-to burgers with mushrooms and avocado. But that wasn't cutting the sweet tooth so I made some sweet bananas from the healing kitchen cook book and it totally curbed the craving. Now just to figure out how to sleep after that sugar high!
I want to ramble for a minute about the importance of a good support system. I mentioned before that bubby tries but he doesn't understand he has the belly of an Ox! Being sick for this long really shows you who your real friends are. Those who aren't 100% in will show their true colors when they just stop coming around, or make sly jokes about your situation, or don't understand how grave the situation can be. And I used the word grave on purpose. Having to rely on other people for help and support for the first time in my life has been so humbling and it is clear to see who the people are who want to raise you up and keep you feeling strong and on the right path, and those who push against your will power. I am beyond blessed to say I have a truly amazing circle of people who love me and want to see this AIP journey help me and want to see me healthy again. Days like today, where I could have easily thrown it all away for a chocolate chip cookieC it's nice to know I have an amazing bunch of women (and hubby) to lean on. Going to bed happy!!
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Day #3 and the best day ever! Day #4 and not much is new...HOW could I top day 3
Day #3 and 4 are lumped in this post.
Day #3 = the best day ever!
Because the AIP community is so small it seems like everyone is connected. There are a few big names out there and the women who lead this community are not only the strongest and most intelligent woman I have ever had the pleasure of reading about, but they are also the most giving and generous. I do someday hope to be as kind and giving as these women. With any other medical community it is easy to see the competition and the cut throat atmosphere between members of the groups. But not the AIP community. This group of individuals learns something new and then figures out any way possible to share the information to help everyone heal and is always giving credit where credit is due.
I got my start on the paleo and AIP journey because someone recommended I listen to The Phoenix Helix podcast, with host Eileen Laird. This woman is amazing! She interviews anyone and everyone that has insight into the healing community and does anything she can to make sure everyone gets to hear the information. From her, I learned about Sarah Ballantyne (The paleo mom), and Mikey Trescott. I signed up for their emails and learned about a giveaway from Angie Alt. The grand prize was signed copies of AIP books from so many big wigs, and her personal guiding assistance on the AIP for 6 weeks. Now if you remember correctly I only started my journey on Monday, and signed up for the prize the same night. Well low and behold early Wednesday morning I opened my Instagram to find out that I WAS THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER!!! I, for the first time in 2 years, started hysterically crying, not because I was ready to end my life from being a terrible burden on my family, but because someone cared enough about my healing journey to help me!! This is very new for me. Even being as sick as I am, I am still the first person to offer to help before accepting any myself. I am so beyond thrilled to finally have someone to guide me and teach me and support me!
This was only 12 hours after I laid in bed stewing over the fact that my darling husband "just didn't get it", he wants so bad to help me but he doesn't understand. HE can literally eat anything! Now I have help and support. So end of tears, wonderful wonderful day and I do not think day #3 could have been bad after that no matter what...talk about motivation.
Quick update on meals: today I had my fat tea and a smoothie from the healing kitchen cookbook, then leftovers for lunch. Dinner tonight was exciting because I tried some new stuff out!! I made BBQ chicken in the crockpot (BBQ sauce from the healing kitchen cookbook) and served it over sweet potatoes.
Day #4 adherance: Biscuits and breakfast sausage (healing kitchen cookbook) and leftovers for lunch and dinner. Nothing too exciting! Allergies are almost gone!!
Day #3 = the best day ever!
Because the AIP community is so small it seems like everyone is connected. There are a few big names out there and the women who lead this community are not only the strongest and most intelligent woman I have ever had the pleasure of reading about, but they are also the most giving and generous. I do someday hope to be as kind and giving as these women. With any other medical community it is easy to see the competition and the cut throat atmosphere between members of the groups. But not the AIP community. This group of individuals learns something new and then figures out any way possible to share the information to help everyone heal and is always giving credit where credit is due.
I got my start on the paleo and AIP journey because someone recommended I listen to The Phoenix Helix podcast, with host Eileen Laird. This woman is amazing! She interviews anyone and everyone that has insight into the healing community and does anything she can to make sure everyone gets to hear the information. From her, I learned about Sarah Ballantyne (The paleo mom), and Mikey Trescott. I signed up for their emails and learned about a giveaway from Angie Alt. The grand prize was signed copies of AIP books from so many big wigs, and her personal guiding assistance on the AIP for 6 weeks. Now if you remember correctly I only started my journey on Monday, and signed up for the prize the same night. Well low and behold early Wednesday morning I opened my Instagram to find out that I WAS THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER!!! I, for the first time in 2 years, started hysterically crying, not because I was ready to end my life from being a terrible burden on my family, but because someone cared enough about my healing journey to help me!! This is very new for me. Even being as sick as I am, I am still the first person to offer to help before accepting any myself. I am so beyond thrilled to finally have someone to guide me and teach me and support me!
This was only 12 hours after I laid in bed stewing over the fact that my darling husband "just didn't get it", he wants so bad to help me but he doesn't understand. HE can literally eat anything! Now I have help and support. So end of tears, wonderful wonderful day and I do not think day #3 could have been bad after that no matter what...talk about motivation.
Quick update on meals: today I had my fat tea and a smoothie from the healing kitchen cookbook, then leftovers for lunch. Dinner tonight was exciting because I tried some new stuff out!! I made BBQ chicken in the crockpot (BBQ sauce from the healing kitchen cookbook) and served it over sweet potatoes.
Day #4 adherance: Biscuits and breakfast sausage (healing kitchen cookbook) and leftovers for lunch and dinner. Nothing too exciting! Allergies are almost gone!!
Down in the trenches and day #2 AIP
Today is day #2. Quick update on following the protocol: following the food part of the AIP is proving much easier than I thought it would be. I was worried that I would get tempted, and trust me chocolate chip cookies are for sure calling my name especially during today's blood sugar crash. I had my fat tea for breakfast, a huge salad and bone broth for lunch, a kombucha for a snack, and fish, acorn squash and some sautéed veggies for dinner. Pretty much my usually daily meals. I think it has been easier because I have already cut out so many of the foods that are not compliant. I am ordering some extra fun things from amazon (sweet potato chips and duck fat!!) that will help get me through this intro phase but I am feeling confident about it all. The lifestyle component will for sure be the most difficult for me. I am struggling already with taking time for myself. I know this will take time and I am going to be very easy on myself as I get deeper into this change.
This seasons allergies have been unbelievable. I haven't had this kind of an attack in a long time. Bright side: it gives me an excellent excuse to sleep more.
I want to write for a few minutes about why I am going through all of this and trying so hard to make these changes. I really feel like this is my last chance at feeling better. I am a mom of 2 young children and a daughter of a mom who was sick for the greater majority of my life (18 of my 29 years of being alive). I had such a huge amount of resentment for my mother being sick. At 11 years old my role of young kid turned quickly to second mom to my baby sisters and caretaker to my mom and her completely useless husband. My basic needs were no longer my concern. I spent my free time cleaning and caring for my sisters. There education and hunger took priority to my freedom. I love my sisters more than anything and I appreciate that my mom lived through that hell. But I cannot help but feel scared that my children would ever hold onto anger towards me for being sick.
I chose to get my master's degree in psychology because I always held onto the anger that no one reached out to help me when I was a young kid dealing with so many hard things. I hated going to school because the problems my friends were complaining about were so trivial compared to the things I was dealing with at home. Their problems consisted of things like "my mom bought the wrong frozen pizza's" and they could never understand me, when my problems were things like "I haven't seen my mom in a week because she is dying slowly in her bedroom." It surely was hard to fit in. I thought that I would be a hero, I would go and save all the kids who's moms were sick and had lost a childhood. I thought I would rescue the world. It doesn't take long to realize how empathy and personal sorrow can get in the way of saving the world. My psychology degree gave me an invaluable set of lessons and taught me how to research, how to learn, how to listen, and ask the right questions. I have an degree in experimental psychology with an emphasis in early childhood development. Again, I thought I was going to save the world. Early in my studies while getting my bachelors degree I started doing independent research. This was to help me get into a graduate program. I started looking into health and why people who know what they can do to make themselves healthy continue to weaken their own bodies. I continued to study this for another 6 years until I eventually wrote my thesis on the topic. I never understood why I cared so much about the subject until I got sick myself. I now look back on my life and my education and I realize, even though, I thought that my goal was to save the kids, God's plan for me was to save the moms. Why I didn't realize sooner, that this whole time I thought I was learning and studying to help kids, I was actually providing myself with the best foundation for changing the mothers health to let her save her own kids childhood.
It took me laying in bed and saying those same things I remember my mother saying to me to realize what I needed to do. I need to be the very best version of myself, the healthiest me, to be here for my kids, to give them the "slow as honey childhood" and so that I can save other moms from raising children with my fate.
I have tried every avenue and I refuse to let the drug companies tell me how to live my life. I know the AIP will save me and my kids and this is my journey and I am taking the reins.
This is my last best push for my girls. I refuse to spend even one more day in bed telling my perfect children that "mommy is too tired to play today".
This seasons allergies have been unbelievable. I haven't had this kind of an attack in a long time. Bright side: it gives me an excellent excuse to sleep more.
I want to write for a few minutes about why I am going through all of this and trying so hard to make these changes. I really feel like this is my last chance at feeling better. I am a mom of 2 young children and a daughter of a mom who was sick for the greater majority of my life (18 of my 29 years of being alive). I had such a huge amount of resentment for my mother being sick. At 11 years old my role of young kid turned quickly to second mom to my baby sisters and caretaker to my mom and her completely useless husband. My basic needs were no longer my concern. I spent my free time cleaning and caring for my sisters. There education and hunger took priority to my freedom. I love my sisters more than anything and I appreciate that my mom lived through that hell. But I cannot help but feel scared that my children would ever hold onto anger towards me for being sick.
I chose to get my master's degree in psychology because I always held onto the anger that no one reached out to help me when I was a young kid dealing with so many hard things. I hated going to school because the problems my friends were complaining about were so trivial compared to the things I was dealing with at home. Their problems consisted of things like "my mom bought the wrong frozen pizza's" and they could never understand me, when my problems were things like "I haven't seen my mom in a week because she is dying slowly in her bedroom." It surely was hard to fit in. I thought that I would be a hero, I would go and save all the kids who's moms were sick and had lost a childhood. I thought I would rescue the world. It doesn't take long to realize how empathy and personal sorrow can get in the way of saving the world. My psychology degree gave me an invaluable set of lessons and taught me how to research, how to learn, how to listen, and ask the right questions. I have an degree in experimental psychology with an emphasis in early childhood development. Again, I thought I was going to save the world. Early in my studies while getting my bachelors degree I started doing independent research. This was to help me get into a graduate program. I started looking into health and why people who know what they can do to make themselves healthy continue to weaken their own bodies. I continued to study this for another 6 years until I eventually wrote my thesis on the topic. I never understood why I cared so much about the subject until I got sick myself. I now look back on my life and my education and I realize, even though, I thought that my goal was to save the kids, God's plan for me was to save the moms. Why I didn't realize sooner, that this whole time I thought I was learning and studying to help kids, I was actually providing myself with the best foundation for changing the mothers health to let her save her own kids childhood.
It took me laying in bed and saying those same things I remember my mother saying to me to realize what I needed to do. I need to be the very best version of myself, the healthiest me, to be here for my kids, to give them the "slow as honey childhood" and so that I can save other moms from raising children with my fate.
I have tried every avenue and I refuse to let the drug companies tell me how to live my life. I know the AIP will save me and my kids and this is my journey and I am taking the reins.
This is my last best push for my girls. I refuse to spend even one more day in bed telling my perfect children that "mommy is too tired to play today".
Monday, April 25, 2016
AIP day #1 and my healing story thus far
It only seems fitting that my first post here should be my first day on the Paleo AIP (autoimmune protocol). On June 23, 2015 I was finally diagnosed with Celiac's disease and Hashimoto's thyroid disease. Approximately 6 years prior I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis (IC) and Endometriosis after having chronic UTI's (urinary tract infections) for 5 years (I'm talking once a month here). I was placed on a low dose antibiotic for 18 months to help with the UTI's. My urologist told me that my body was just in a cycle and it was used to getting the UTI's that I needed to break the cycle by taking antibiotics every night for 1 year or more to break the cycle. Unfortunately I had no idea how to properly take antibiotics or how they would effect the rest of my already depleted body.
A very quick synopsis of my medical history: From as far back as I can remember I was never as energetic as the other kids, after 3-4 trips per week to the nurses office, at about 10 years old, I was finally diagnosed with hypoglycemia. Whenever my blood sugar would crash I would reach for some candy or drink something sweet in order to remain at school for the day. I became known as the girl who always had a bag of candy in her backpack. As long as I had a sugar high I felt okay. Around age 15 I had a terrible bout of food poisoning that took me out of school for 2 weeks. I could not stand up straight because it felt like my intestines were being ripped in half. After that the digestion problems started. By 16 I was already taking reflux medication (no one looked at my diet at this time even though I was 5'10", 120 pounds, and ate a carton of ice-cream every day). I was also suffering from stress fractures (I was a runner) and insomnia. By age 18 the UTI's started as well as IBS, Depression, Panic Disorder, Vertigo and Acid Reflux. Doctors repeatedly told me that I was totally fine. At 18 years old I was on Anti-Depressants, Anti-Anxiety medication, high doses of Ibuprofen for the swelling that caused pain in my chest after my monthly (sometimes weekly panic attacks), and Zantac for the heartburn and to protect my stomach lining from the high doses of Ibuprofen. I refused any IBS medication. At 22 years old I added the low dose antibiotic for the UTI's and Valium for my insomnia and vertigo. At 24 I finally sought out a naturopath who explained to me that after almost 5 years of being on antibiotics I had completely destroyed the lining of my organs. The pain I was experiencing in my bladder was now constant and could not be relieved from antibiotics or pain killers. The doctors told me that I would now have to be on a pain management program and take medication for the urgency. The naturopath helped me clear infections from parasites, change my diet, adjust my hormones, and heal the linings (I was still getting the UTI's, just less frequently). Within 4 months I was feeling better than I had in my whole life and BOOM, I got pregnant with my first baby. I was sick while pregnant but nothing I couldn't handle. The endometrioses pain was gone, no bladder infections, and I could eat whatever I wanted. I nursed her till the day her sister was born exactly 2 years later. I nursed the second baby until January 2015, and by March 2015 I could barely stay upright more than 2 hours at a time. I couldn't eat hardly any foods without experiences problems and the bladder infections returned this time with no mercy and they were completely antibiotic resistant.
That was way more than I thought I had to share. Sorry for the long winded recount. On June 23rd I cleaned out my house and pantry. I got rid of all my food that could potentially cause me pain but my children still have bagels and bread (we have a gluten zone in my kitchen that I do not go near). I quickly felt the symptoms of detox which have lasted thus far. I have only had 2 bladder infections since June but they faded quickly with use of supplements. I lost 35 lbs. I still have pain from the IC and endometriosis and I still have problems with my thyroid symptoms and malabsorption. I have been on a strict grain free and dairy free Paleo diet for 3 months. I cut out all nightshades and I am finally ready to embark on my Autoimmune Protocol journey. I have been too tired and too sick for too long. I am ready to take the steps necessary to help myself. The biggest piece missing in my paleo journey is the lifestyle component.
Pledge time: today starts day #1 of my AIP journey. But is isn't just about food. I pledge to make sleep a priority in my life, take 10-20 minutes a day to take care of myself and my needs and make my bedroom a stress free zone!
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this and I appreciate your support on my journey.
A very quick synopsis of my medical history: From as far back as I can remember I was never as energetic as the other kids, after 3-4 trips per week to the nurses office, at about 10 years old, I was finally diagnosed with hypoglycemia. Whenever my blood sugar would crash I would reach for some candy or drink something sweet in order to remain at school for the day. I became known as the girl who always had a bag of candy in her backpack. As long as I had a sugar high I felt okay. Around age 15 I had a terrible bout of food poisoning that took me out of school for 2 weeks. I could not stand up straight because it felt like my intestines were being ripped in half. After that the digestion problems started. By 16 I was already taking reflux medication (no one looked at my diet at this time even though I was 5'10", 120 pounds, and ate a carton of ice-cream every day). I was also suffering from stress fractures (I was a runner) and insomnia. By age 18 the UTI's started as well as IBS, Depression, Panic Disorder, Vertigo and Acid Reflux. Doctors repeatedly told me that I was totally fine. At 18 years old I was on Anti-Depressants, Anti-Anxiety medication, high doses of Ibuprofen for the swelling that caused pain in my chest after my monthly (sometimes weekly panic attacks), and Zantac for the heartburn and to protect my stomach lining from the high doses of Ibuprofen. I refused any IBS medication. At 22 years old I added the low dose antibiotic for the UTI's and Valium for my insomnia and vertigo. At 24 I finally sought out a naturopath who explained to me that after almost 5 years of being on antibiotics I had completely destroyed the lining of my organs. The pain I was experiencing in my bladder was now constant and could not be relieved from antibiotics or pain killers. The doctors told me that I would now have to be on a pain management program and take medication for the urgency. The naturopath helped me clear infections from parasites, change my diet, adjust my hormones, and heal the linings (I was still getting the UTI's, just less frequently). Within 4 months I was feeling better than I had in my whole life and BOOM, I got pregnant with my first baby. I was sick while pregnant but nothing I couldn't handle. The endometrioses pain was gone, no bladder infections, and I could eat whatever I wanted. I nursed her till the day her sister was born exactly 2 years later. I nursed the second baby until January 2015, and by March 2015 I could barely stay upright more than 2 hours at a time. I couldn't eat hardly any foods without experiences problems and the bladder infections returned this time with no mercy and they were completely antibiotic resistant.
That was way more than I thought I had to share. Sorry for the long winded recount. On June 23rd I cleaned out my house and pantry. I got rid of all my food that could potentially cause me pain but my children still have bagels and bread (we have a gluten zone in my kitchen that I do not go near). I quickly felt the symptoms of detox which have lasted thus far. I have only had 2 bladder infections since June but they faded quickly with use of supplements. I lost 35 lbs. I still have pain from the IC and endometriosis and I still have problems with my thyroid symptoms and malabsorption. I have been on a strict grain free and dairy free Paleo diet for 3 months. I cut out all nightshades and I am finally ready to embark on my Autoimmune Protocol journey. I have been too tired and too sick for too long. I am ready to take the steps necessary to help myself. The biggest piece missing in my paleo journey is the lifestyle component.
Pledge time: today starts day #1 of my AIP journey. But is isn't just about food. I pledge to make sleep a priority in my life, take 10-20 minutes a day to take care of myself and my needs and make my bedroom a stress free zone!
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this and I appreciate your support on my journey.
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